Saturday, April 30, 2005

John Rocker attempting a comeback

Former major league pitcher and recovering bigot John Rocker, who hasn't pitched in two years, is attempting a comeback with a Long Island minor league team. Rocker was a top relief pitcher with the Atlanta Braves, but incensed baseball fans, New Yorkers and several ethnic, racial and religious groups by slamming nearly everyone in a Sport Illustrated interview after the 1999 season.

Organized baseball has already proven that there is no such thing as a "last chance" so it's not surprising that the 30-year old Rocker is trying a comeback with the Long Island Ducks of the independent Atlantic League.

Since baseball also likes to make a buck or two, I have a couple of suggestions for the Ducks to capitalize on their new player's notoriety:

  • "John Rocker Same-Sex Couple Night" -- Fans attending the game can bring their same-sex partner with them and he/she gets in free. A "lucky" couple drawn at random can take Rocker to a gay or lesbian nightclub at his expense. [Rocker hates homosexuals.]
  • "Ride the Subway with John Rocker Night" -- Fans chosen at random can spend an evening riding a New York City subway with Rocker. [He slammed subway riders.]
  • "John Rocker Bobblehead Night" -- The first 2,000 fans (regardless of their sexual orientation) get a bobblehead doll. [He probably hates bobblehead dolls too.]
  • "Welcome to America Half-Price Night" -- Fans attending the game who show their foreign birth certificate get in for half price. [Rocker hates immigrants.]

Can anyone else come up with a good idea for the Ducks?